Tag Archives: singleness

Cold Feet on a Sunny Day

10 Jan

I dont think I want to get married.

8,770 days I waited, dreamed and prayed for a husband. Of a wedding and married life. And then, like the turn of a switch, Im over it. It all actually makes me a little nauseous.

And maybe it wasn’t as quick as a flip. But, I definitely had a change in my heart.

I read a lot of articles on singleness, being married and relationships in general. I recently picked up Real Marriage and appreciate the honesty in the book.

That being said. Maybe it was all too honest.

I was living with a sugar coated idea of marriage. I always thought, you got married and loved each other and fought about who was going to do the dishes and then made up and had babies and lived happily ever after…  I was wrong.

I also have a more abstract view of God and faith. It borders a little on ‘New Age’. And for me, a lot of what I read pertaining to marriage seems legalistic. Rules. Say this. Don’t say that. I understand the need for structure. But, that structure is a contrast to my current life.

And now, I don’t know if I can truly commit myself to something I could potentially be unhappy in. Or be hurt in.

That someone could love me even with my past. And support my goals and dreams.

I cant see myself sacrificing the fun life I live, to be in a relationship with a stranger. Who, until I move in with, might not know if I truly like them.

To let go of the lazy days at coffee shops, long nights at work, going on spontaneous trips, sleeping all day, staying up all night, random shopping excursions here and there. For what….something no one can guarantee I could be happy in.

It’s a big risk.

And dont get me wrong, I love to gamble. Poker is my favorite. Video blackjack is a close second. I love jumping off cliffs and hope to jump out of a plane soon.

But, marriage, is a much bigger risk that I am not sold now. And, I am not sure if I will be anytime in the near future.

So for today, I am thankful.

To be single and have these feelings.

To be able to have days by myself to pray and read and think.

To jump off the next cliff I see. 

And to splurge on the pair of shoes that calls my name.

 

Back to the night shift..

24 Sep

There are a few good things about working night shift. It pays more. Its quieter. And, if your job is like mine, you are getting a ridiculous bonus per hour right now. Chances are your job isn’t like mine and you are sleeping right now. I am very jealous.

 
But, when I work nights, I like to do projects and finish things I normally put off during the day. One thing I keep putting off is faxing in all my travel nursing paperwork…DONE! Also, completing the online nursing tests…DONE! Finding new music on Pandora…YEP! The new girl talking my ear off…OH YAAHHH!

I also love reading articles. Tonight, I found one in Relevant Magazine on making the most out of being single. It’s not the cliché “being single” article, because I get those at times(thanks Mom), but a more progressive view about using your singleness for God(which I am a huge supporter).

I am so thankful to not have kids or a boyfriend at times. I always think while in church, I have such an opportunity to praise God even greater than I do, since I don’t have kids to bug me. That I should read my Bible and study much more than I do, just because I have fewer distractions. It is, unfortunately, a thought that passes once my world is occupied with something else and that’s disappointing. So, a definite mindful task for me is to keep God a focus while I am single. And articles help! I love reading them, post them on my blog or email me if you find good ones. I am always open to learning new things and finding new points of view.

Back to work!! I have lots to do =)